I've just read this article: http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/not-the-marrying-kind-a-modern-girls-guide-to-sex-and-love-9137143.html.
I'd have to say agree on the whole until the bit about allowing my husband-to-be to sleep with other women, that would break my heart. I could not bear him sharing that close bond with anyone but me.
I believe entirely in allowing his freedoms to pursue whatever interests he wishes, and he has the right to say - I don't feel like going to a girlfriends birthday if that's how he feels. I don't own him, I can't demand that he does what I want to do - he is a seperate person to me - we love each other, and above all else - that means wanting the other person to be happy. In whatever form that takes.
I couldn't bear his coming with me if he didn't want to be there - if it was me and he'd insisted I went somewhere I didn't wish to go - Id be looking for a fork to stick in my eye - so why expect the same of him. My girlfriends have met him, they like him and not a one of them would be offended if he chose to watch a footy game, catch up with his mates or just spend a night at home enjoying having some rare time to himself.
He works hard, he's earnt the right to do whatever it is that makes him happy, and as his closest and best admirer - I'd do anything to make sure he was happy.
Except for robbing a bank - no sir - I'd probably baulk at that and stomp my foot and refuse, and tell him to do it his bloody self!
19 February 2014
17 February 2014
I'd like to thank...
As I mentioned in my previous post - I'm a wee bit unwell in the head. Not in the way that you would make the international sign for 'loopy' by twirling your finger slightly above your ear - but there is actually something going on in my brain that shouldn't be.
For this I am taking a bucket-load of medication each day. I am so dizzy I am unable to leave the house without a chaperone - and I remind my beautiful-husband-to-be of the times when we was a-courtin' and I'd had too much wine at dinner when I wander up the hallway to the kitchen for a cup of tea.
Every thing I pick up I drop.
Every time I open a jar I drop the jar or the lid or both.
I knock stuff over, I bump in to walls, I trip over nothing, and I have to put both hands on the wall to stop myself from tipping over in the shower. However, a shower is heaven at the moment. I just love that feeling when you step out and pop on some fresh pj's and add a little scent - and baby I'm all ready for more tv watching!
The support I've received from the general public, chemists, manicurists, gps, specialists, hair dressers and all the people I had to contact to re-book our wedding have been amazing. Supportive, kind, flexible, helpful and all have wished me well. These are just the sorts of people you want to be helping you on Your Big Day - if moving the date is no trouble and they wish me well - then I am forever in their debt. See how far a little kindness goes? A very long way.
All the way to my heart.
It's amazing how much can be done by phone - I've managed to arrange prescriptions to be delivered, GPs to write letters and certifeicates as required (mainly to back up the moving of the wedding for various bits and pieces).
You've all been so sweet, so kind, so helpful and generous in your offers of help - I hope you read this one day and realise what
a difference your kindness made to me - my daily life - and means to me, in a heartfelt kinda way.
Compassion for another person costs nothing and yet means so much - why aren't more people actually compassionate I wonder? What are they afraid of - as it seems to be fear that prevents them from showing or being compassionate. May be they're worried that it means they'll have to give more than they already have to give? It never means that. Being compassionate is reward for the soul enough - just try it. Turn around and tell someone why you're pleased they're in your life , or if they hung in there and fought during a particularly rough time in their life - tell them you admire them for hanging in there.
Tell a friend who is going through a rough time - that you'll help them in ways that you can afford - like being there as a shoulder, an ear to listen, in a monetary way if you can manage.
Compassion is free, sending a little love out in to world each day is the most beautiful way you can connect with your fellow humans. It gives far more than it takes. Then from being or showing compassion we learn empathy. These two go hand in hand. Sorta like twins or best friends. You can't have one without the other.
Trust me on this one.
For this I am taking a bucket-load of medication each day. I am so dizzy I am unable to leave the house without a chaperone - and I remind my beautiful-husband-to-be of the times when we was a-courtin' and I'd had too much wine at dinner when I wander up the hallway to the kitchen for a cup of tea.
Every thing I pick up I drop.
Every time I open a jar I drop the jar or the lid or both.
I knock stuff over, I bump in to walls, I trip over nothing, and I have to put both hands on the wall to stop myself from tipping over in the shower. However, a shower is heaven at the moment. I just love that feeling when you step out and pop on some fresh pj's and add a little scent - and baby I'm all ready for more tv watching!
The support I've received from the general public, chemists, manicurists, gps, specialists, hair dressers and all the people I had to contact to re-book our wedding have been amazing. Supportive, kind, flexible, helpful and all have wished me well. These are just the sorts of people you want to be helping you on Your Big Day - if moving the date is no trouble and they wish me well - then I am forever in their debt. See how far a little kindness goes? A very long way.
All the way to my heart.
It's amazing how much can be done by phone - I've managed to arrange prescriptions to be delivered, GPs to write letters and certifeicates as required (mainly to back up the moving of the wedding for various bits and pieces).
You've all been so sweet, so kind, so helpful and generous in your offers of help - I hope you read this one day and realise what
a difference your kindness made to me - my daily life - and means to me, in a heartfelt kinda way.
Compassion for another person costs nothing and yet means so much - why aren't more people actually compassionate I wonder? What are they afraid of - as it seems to be fear that prevents them from showing or being compassionate. May be they're worried that it means they'll have to give more than they already have to give? It never means that. Being compassionate is reward for the soul enough - just try it. Turn around and tell someone why you're pleased they're in your life , or if they hung in there and fought during a particularly rough time in their life - tell them you admire them for hanging in there.
Tell a friend who is going through a rough time - that you'll help them in ways that you can afford - like being there as a shoulder, an ear to listen, in a monetary way if you can manage.
Compassion is free, sending a little love out in to world each day is the most beautiful way you can connect with your fellow humans. It gives far more than it takes. Then from being or showing compassion we learn empathy. These two go hand in hand. Sorta like twins or best friends. You can't have one without the other.
Trust me on this one.
14 February 2014
A Wonderful Saturday Morning
I woke up this morning to the glorious sound of rain hitting the pavers out the front. Long-awaited and welcome like you wouldn't believe. I've had my peace plant stuck outside so long waiting for this moment I've even been watering it outside, rather than on the hallstand where it usually lives.
The rain is coming down and I'm tucked up in bed with a cup of tea in my favourite mickey mouse mug, a glass of water within arms reach, my oil burner gently wafting lavender in to the air. I'm watching Studio 10 do a wonderful job of interviewing Dolly Parton whom I love. She is a wonderful warm southern belle with a singing voice from heaven and a natural gift for writing songs that are relevant no matter how long ago they were written. I have to admit '9-5' is an absolute favourite. That line 'pour myself a cup of ambition' is fantastic. Just sums it up beautifully.
Right now, while I write, I'm sick. I have something scary going on in my brain and spine. I have an outstanding example of a herniated and bulging disc located at c6/c7 - not the best spot I'm told. I have a bone spur on the other side. I've suffered balance problems for as long as I can remember. I walked in to the same door at the same place every day for eight years. My dearest flatmate in the whole world watched me do it and could never figure out how I managed it. It wasn't as if little people visited and moved the doorframe on me - I just kept walking in to it. I always had bruises on my right arm - and when asked why - I'd say 'I walked in to a door' and the amount of looks I got from that was surprising. I was actually walking in to doors. Not face-first in to door handles like some women say when clearly they're not walking in to doors but fists of abusive partners. Nope, I was actually physically walking in to doors.
I'm so ill, we've had to delay our wedding by twelve months in order for me undergo the medical tour (opthamologists, neurologists, neurosurgeons, spinal surgeons, pain specialists, cortisone injections, general practitioners etc) and get properly well in the meantime. I'm on enough drugs daily that I could open a pharmacy in my front room - but as I need every last one of them I aint sharing.
I walk through my home and lose my balance, I lose my balance standing up, I lose it sitting down. I have swelling on my brain and elevated pressure in my spinal column, I'm suffering daily migraines (managing with more drugs on that front) and have bugger all energy - the perfect evening for me at the moment is a cuddle with my lovely husband-to-be and a silly movie on the telly. How life changes.
I rang my mother the other day to advise her of all of this - but she had to go because she had beans cooking. Disappointing? A little, but let me just say I'm used to my mother making everything else a priority BUT me. We're delaying the wedding but haven't set a new date, well, we have, but lets just say we're not exactly telling everyone the new date. Which is entirely our call.
We might even just elope and marry on a beach in front of a jaw-dropping sunset. Just the two of us. I love my husband-to-be - he is everything in a man I'd ever hoped for.
He is strong, wise, funny, a typical man (farting in bed is a common occurence), he's not tidy by any stretch of the imagination - but he loves me - warts and all and that's enough for me.
He's seen me at my worst, he's gone to the supermarket to buy 'ladies things' for me, and has held me when it's all gotten a bit much and I've started crying and been unable to stop.
We're both scared about what this all means, we're worried about the disc replacement op, we're worried about me having a swollen brain (I told him to back off on the compliments years ago but he wouldn't listen) but we're managing to find a sense of humor through all of this, and that is the glue that's keeping us on something of a keel.
I had a lumbar puncture last Wednesday and I'll be straight up - they hurt like FUCK. They had three goes, and got it in on the third go. Thank fuck for that - because even the local anaesthetic made no bloody difference. But my wonderful sweetheart showed up at the hospital to collect me with not ONE cherry ripe - but SIX, and a giant toblerone AND a star bar. And then he drove me home like I was the most fragile egg he'd ever had to handle.
What a sweetie.
And then fetched and carried and fetched and carried for me all night - even sleeping on the sofa so I could sleep undisturbed.
Today he is helping a friend of mine whose had an operation on her leg and has had a bit of trouble with her bed not behaving. So he's marched off in to the early dawn complete with tools so that he can drop round and fix it on his way home. She's a friend of mine. I feel like the luckiest girl in all the world to be marrying such a wonderful, caring, compassionate, generous, funny, sweet and occasionally as wise as the dalai lama of a man. I guess I'm also lucky that I can see all of this in him. That I am grateful for as well.
Bless.
The rain is coming down and I'm tucked up in bed with a cup of tea in my favourite mickey mouse mug, a glass of water within arms reach, my oil burner gently wafting lavender in to the air. I'm watching Studio 10 do a wonderful job of interviewing Dolly Parton whom I love. She is a wonderful warm southern belle with a singing voice from heaven and a natural gift for writing songs that are relevant no matter how long ago they were written. I have to admit '9-5' is an absolute favourite. That line 'pour myself a cup of ambition' is fantastic. Just sums it up beautifully.
Right now, while I write, I'm sick. I have something scary going on in my brain and spine. I have an outstanding example of a herniated and bulging disc located at c6/c7 - not the best spot I'm told. I have a bone spur on the other side. I've suffered balance problems for as long as I can remember. I walked in to the same door at the same place every day for eight years. My dearest flatmate in the whole world watched me do it and could never figure out how I managed it. It wasn't as if little people visited and moved the doorframe on me - I just kept walking in to it. I always had bruises on my right arm - and when asked why - I'd say 'I walked in to a door' and the amount of looks I got from that was surprising. I was actually walking in to doors. Not face-first in to door handles like some women say when clearly they're not walking in to doors but fists of abusive partners. Nope, I was actually physically walking in to doors.
I'm so ill, we've had to delay our wedding by twelve months in order for me undergo the medical tour (opthamologists, neurologists, neurosurgeons, spinal surgeons, pain specialists, cortisone injections, general practitioners etc) and get properly well in the meantime. I'm on enough drugs daily that I could open a pharmacy in my front room - but as I need every last one of them I aint sharing.
I walk through my home and lose my balance, I lose my balance standing up, I lose it sitting down. I have swelling on my brain and elevated pressure in my spinal column, I'm suffering daily migraines (managing with more drugs on that front) and have bugger all energy - the perfect evening for me at the moment is a cuddle with my lovely husband-to-be and a silly movie on the telly. How life changes.
I rang my mother the other day to advise her of all of this - but she had to go because she had beans cooking. Disappointing? A little, but let me just say I'm used to my mother making everything else a priority BUT me. We're delaying the wedding but haven't set a new date, well, we have, but lets just say we're not exactly telling everyone the new date. Which is entirely our call.
We might even just elope and marry on a beach in front of a jaw-dropping sunset. Just the two of us. I love my husband-to-be - he is everything in a man I'd ever hoped for.
He is strong, wise, funny, a typical man (farting in bed is a common occurence), he's not tidy by any stretch of the imagination - but he loves me - warts and all and that's enough for me.
He's seen me at my worst, he's gone to the supermarket to buy 'ladies things' for me, and has held me when it's all gotten a bit much and I've started crying and been unable to stop.
We're both scared about what this all means, we're worried about the disc replacement op, we're worried about me having a swollen brain (I told him to back off on the compliments years ago but he wouldn't listen) but we're managing to find a sense of humor through all of this, and that is the glue that's keeping us on something of a keel.
I had a lumbar puncture last Wednesday and I'll be straight up - they hurt like FUCK. They had three goes, and got it in on the third go. Thank fuck for that - because even the local anaesthetic made no bloody difference. But my wonderful sweetheart showed up at the hospital to collect me with not ONE cherry ripe - but SIX, and a giant toblerone AND a star bar. And then he drove me home like I was the most fragile egg he'd ever had to handle.
What a sweetie.
And then fetched and carried and fetched and carried for me all night - even sleeping on the sofa so I could sleep undisturbed.
Today he is helping a friend of mine whose had an operation on her leg and has had a bit of trouble with her bed not behaving. So he's marched off in to the early dawn complete with tools so that he can drop round and fix it on his way home. She's a friend of mine. I feel like the luckiest girl in all the world to be marrying such a wonderful, caring, compassionate, generous, funny, sweet and occasionally as wise as the dalai lama of a man. I guess I'm also lucky that I can see all of this in him. That I am grateful for as well.
Bless.
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